One Word At A Time

Y’all, I am very tried, and stressed. My schedule changed for what I thought was for good. It was earlier than usual, but it was consistent, which made all the difference.  Needles to say my sleep pattern, my eating habits have gone to heck…again.  Now there’s talk of making more changes.

My creativity has bounced up and down so much that it has upset me.  I like to keep something going, and I’m not.  I feel like I got mauled by chaos.  That does not mean I gave up, or giving up.

It means I need to get myself back into writing, which is something not only that I love to do, but is a positive force in my life. I can’t lose the one thing that makes my days brighter.

My emotions are all over the place, as I am frustrated, sad, anxious, and nervous about getting creative endeavors done.  It’s like a crisis before the actual work gets done (pre-crisis?). So now that I have a moment, I need to relax, breathe, and put together a realistic plan.

First, I’m blogging. Second, I need a sharper plan to execute creative goals. I intend to complete some projects, and put some on hold. I don’t want to put them on hold, but I know everything can’t and won’t be done. I have to see some tangible results before the end of the year.

Happy creative endeavors.

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Fear

So as I keep working on the novel and progressing, I get this fear going on. A fear that I haven’t developed the main character enough. I’ve done so much world and character building, I hadn’t stopped until now to examine the character.

Also I feel like I’m trying to avoid the issue with him. I’m rather frustrated with myself. I put in my notes that I needed to be more blunt and honest in the writing, otherwise it will look like I’m dancing around the characters and situations without really dealing with them.

Maybe this is anxiety, or me reminding myself to stay on point. Whatever it is, I feel like I need to manage it, and get underway.  Part of what I looked at is whether or not the character is noble (or has a noble sentimentality), or is more of a rogue.

Part of me likes the idea of someone who has faced adversity and willing to fight more in a righteous way. I also love that a person can be lovable and not always willing to do the right thing, and make a hell of a lot of mistakes.

Heroes do know sacrifice, which is inherent in their life and noble.  I dunno. I’m indecisive at the moment.  Maybe it needs to marinate overnight now that I’ve dragged the fear to light and faced it.  No blinking. Gotta get this done.

Happy creative endeavors.

Headache

I didn’t sleep well, and I woke up feeling a touch of a headache I need to address before it becomes a migraine.  With my luck it will turn into a migraine that has me in all sorts of bad ways.

That said I wasn’t very creative, but I need to get on top of that. It always seems that chaos pops up to have a good time when I want to have a breakthrough.  That and I am a hot mess, sometimes, and other times I have clarity.  Damn, it’s hot in this building. I feel extra warm and that annoys meSo I took the pain meds and hopefully I’ll be in shape soon.  Need to make my plans a lot better.  Will discuss that later.

 

Happy creative endeavors.

Sick For Days

Unfortunately, what started as my allergies and sinuses beating on me like an after school bully turned into a moment where I needed to get in bed, and lay in misery as it passed. It took a nasty toll on me as I lost my appetite, and all I wanted to do is try and breath well.  My poor nose went from stopped, to running, to “hey, I can breathe.” My allergy meds may, or may not have been working, or at least taxed. I had to switch meds in order to see some results.

Needless to say, I’m feeling better, so to that, I’m grateful. It will take some time to get back into 100% recover, but that’s expected.

That said little to no writing was done this weekend, but my motto is, to get back on the horse and ride again. So that meant listing out some of the things I want to get done, and boy am I ambitious. That said there are some things I’d like to complete before a talk about them.

One of those goofier distractions I was concerned about was the desire to write more screenplays. What genre, and how many to work on for the remainder of the year. So I wrote down what I want to do, and I’m going to have to tackle it. No way around that. Will have to find a way to make things work.

Happy creative endeavors.

Lovely Eye Allergies

Despite taking my meds, my room is a trap for allergies if I don’t have my fan oscillating. Needless to say, I was cold, and thought just having the air on would suffice. Surprise, surprise, I woke up with burning eyes in spite of taking my meds the day before. Now I gotta deal with this mess, and it’s annoying as all get out. I keep squinting, and one eye keeps tearing.  Someone asked me about eye drops, but I swore off drops after a dreadful experience with them.

Looking back at my notes I can see I wrote out some details from some new characters and a concept I haven’t implemented. No need to, but I’m glad I put it down. What I do have is a lot of gaming notes, which seems to fill my journal pages.  Now I need to write a few lines for the novel, and make this day OK.

Happy creative endeavors.

Political Discourse

OK, I voted early, mainly because I had to work on Election Day. I love to exercise my right to vote. Many people have been beaten, threatened, intimidated, or killed for daring to use their given rights as a US citizen. Some people fear people’s genuine voice and reason more so than they believe in their own authenticity. Otherwise they would not be so happy to impede the happiness and individuality of others.

Now we have a new president elect. Here’s the thing; a platform of hate, racism, homophobia, sexism, and Islamaphobia was how this campaign launched, and people seem ok with this because the polices sounded ok? For real?

Well for those of us who happen to be minorities, and some who aren’t, this platform is scary as all get out. Some people felt truly emboldened to act on their impulses and make others feel unsafe. That’s never good, and when anyone feels they can violate your rights, while maintaining their in the highest imagined integrity, that’s simply wrong. I am worried because I’ve heard from friends and fam who are concerned about how hate can affect them, and it may not be safe to go to the grocery store without someone being ignorant and hateful.

Friends have also expressed what rights could be re-appealed in the law, and they are afraid of being treated poorly, and that being acceptable in the eyes of the law.  That’s a legit concern as well.

I try to stay positive, and focus on things I can do to make my life better. It doesn’t mean I’m in a bubble. as a POC my rights could be questioned.  I live in SC, a state where two trials are going on now concerning hate crimes. It feels like open season on all minorities. It’s ugly, feels cruel, and unjust.

It goes without saying I meet all sorts of amazing people from all walks of life and different backgrounds who are great people I feel blessed for knowing, and there are some I’d rather not meet or speak with again. I hope the upcoming times do bring us some peace, positive change, and success without the hatred, bigotry, and ugliness I’ve seen in the past few months.

As always, happy creative endeavors.

Voting

I have to say this election year has been the worst kind of hot mess (nuclear mess). I find I had to stop watching news cause some of the coverage was sincerely irking me like crazy, and other parts turned me off 100%. So on top of that I’ll be working on election day, so the best option was to early vote and stop thinking about it. I am happy to cast my vote, and I hope and pray that the world will be ok.

I did find some of the coverage and responses very juvenile and offensive, and some seem to be ok with this behavior. Some news coverage became sort of an entertainment network with “I can’t believe person x said this,” and so many times where facts should have mattered, I heard name-calling.  Suddenly all the journalism and fact-finding became irrelevant. Another thing that seemed to be soft-pedaled was the racism and racist rhetoric which seemingly became bad talking points that seemingly faded from the front lines of thoughts.  Not to mention sexism, and anti-Muslim rhetoric.

To this end, I find this election sad, even though it’s historical (first female presidential nominee), a reality star became the Republican nominee (not really historical) and somehow out-appealed the Republicans at their own game. The world seems so damn crazy.

It’s not everything that’s happened in this election cycle, but this is enough to have me like, whoa. What is this mess?

Will get back to creative stuff.  I need it. It makes me happy.