I’m scared, that’s who. Allow me to explain. Yesterday I woke up early. Not sure why, but I did. There was no alarm, or loud noises, it was one of those moments where my eyes opened, sunlight hit me, and I didn’t feel I could fall back asleep. I was awake.
Since I was awake, I told myself, “make up your bed, it’ll be warm and inviting when you get home.” I made it up, and it looked good, as opposed to the mess I sometimes leave it. Then I said, “write something, anything, so you’ll have something to work from for the day.” So I wrote something in my notebook. It wasn’t much, just a note that I should learn to make a stronger build for a gaming character. I was disappointed in that note.
Before I left for work, I had a pang of inspiration, that sort of binds a lot of the characters I have for the novel, immediately wrote it down, and laughed because it was funny. Then I went to work. I was busy, and all day I felt intimidated by the revelation I am grateful I wrote down. Why is this epiphany scary? Well, for the first time I feel that after a year I have a cohesive way to tie things together. I keep wondering what all that writing and frustration was for if all it took was one day of waking up early.
One top of that it is clear that as much as I want to believe I was on the right path, I have to work even harder to produce some quality work. I am intimidated by the quality in the material I seek to produces. This isn’t the angel in the room, but rather a fear of success, I think. This is the right direction, and I will have to take it one word at a time (in no way shape or form am I giving up).
Maybe I needed a cool down moment from when I wrote what I wrote, and how I feel. The idea isn’t going away, is committed to paper, and now needs to be expanded upon, and more written. I’m worrying over nothing, but that’s me.
Happy creative endeavors.