Revisions (Part 2 of 3)

This is my second pass at revising the dialog for the scene/story. I wanted something a bit more abrasive, and less agreeable between the two characters (Timothy and Felix).

I didn’t format it properly, as I knew if I liked it, I would add it to Word (from my Notes app) and adjust it.

It’s essentially the exchange between Timothy and Felix, so I know its two characters.

Timothy watched Felix apply the solution to the glyphs.  It looked shinier, and he appreciated that glow.  Timothy stood back after the last coat and admired the glow.

T: Nice job, Felix.

F: Thank you, Mr. Guthrie. I’ve already cleaned the benches, good sir.  Don’t want you messing up those fancy clothes of yours.

Nonsense. I’m more curious as to your new solution.

F: Pay it no mind. Just boring new regulations.

T: “They’re facts, Felix,” He said, “and facts are never boring.”

F: Then the amount of bird dropping per square inch on a plaque is right up your alley…sir?

T: No. That is not up my alley. I insist you tell me what are you using clean our glyphs in our town.

F:  Why that’s classified, sir.

T: Classified? With taxpayers money? Really? Does this sparkle orange concoction have a proven track record with maintaining a secure protection from rogue magic?” It could do more far more harm than good.

*he waited for a response. None came.

T: You know if the wards don’t work, we’ll be in a world of pain.

F: Your bench, sir.  It’s gonna get taken.

T: Rest assured, I’m contacting the mayor.

F: Be my guest, sir.

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2 thoughts on “Revisions (Part 2 of 3)

  1. Notsure that “gonna” fits with the higher tone of the rest of the dialogue. Also, if this is foreshadowing it might be a little heavy handed. But I am intrigued why wards need to be clean to work…

    • Hello,

      Thanks for taking the time to read and respond. I do appreciate feedback. I agree I need to resolve how to make the tone flow better in the dialogue. I’ll also work on the foreshadowing. The cleaning and the solution Felix uses comes into play later within the story.

      Non-spoiler fact about wards: Human made ones don’t last long, only dragon wards last a lifetime, and dragons went extinct 1,000 years ago.

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