The Fear Agent

Sometime I think about why some of my projects get completed. My first thought was that I’m kinda scared of the results. Yes, there’s fear mixed in with the excitement of creating and completing a project. I think I don’t know where works can take me, and the fear of leaving my comfort zone can be a be intimidating to me. It’s like when you watch an intense scene and you want to look away, except I’m creating the intense scenes. In that regards, I’m a hot mess.

That said, the only way to beat fear is too keep working away at my writing. Fear is just a tool, and I, like anyone else can beat a fear, if we work hard at it. In this case, I’m asking myself, “what do I have to fear by completing my projects,” and the answer is nothing. I have to apply myself (old school term) and get focused. It’s not like I can’t put the effort into my craft. I’m reminded that I take writing for granted all the time.

Ultimately, it’s up to me to face my fears, and conquer them so that I remain on point for my creative projects.

Happy creative endeavors.


Early Bird

The world is a hot mess of things to sort out. One of them is getting up early. I don’t like to do mornings, let alone be coherent when being mopey will do nicely. Sleep is a silent stalker, and often creeps up on me from the shadows, and hits hard when I’m up early. I’m not in a position to go back to bed, so when the sleep creeps, I have to shake it off. Today is a day to get something done.

Print journal got some mad love as I tried to review some of the writing I did for the novel, and added an extra journal. I made some revisions to some things, but I really owe it to myself to sit and type these parts out. Somehow I’ve managed to avoid doing the heavy lifting of transcribing my own work, and that’s not good. I will say this about a few things I wrote a while back, which is I am looking at some of the material with fresh eyes.

Every now and then I drift into some bawdy humor/creations, and I know it’s too early for this, but fun is fun, is humor I guess.

Back to the grind of early morning, peeps.

Happy creative endeavors.

Fiscal Sense & Sensibility

So yesterday I had a talk with a financial planner to discuss more sobering things like financial planning, retirement, and plans for paying debt. I felt like I hot mess, confessing stuff, but I was a hot mess, and not in a good way. First of all this isn’t the worse meeting in the world, just some discomfort, and looking at my own financial strengths and inadequacies. So it was quite sobering.

I have to plan more, and make some more sobering commitments to my future if I wish to have some modest success in  my future. It kinda worries me because I didn’t want to think about it, however, it’s in my thoughts now. The meeting was 100% worth the time to feel some discomfort, and made me feel a little more mature and complex. Mortality is scary, and birthdays are fun for me, but I’m getting older, and I need to have some things on my table ASAP.

Also I could stand some structure in my finances.

What does this have to do with creativity and writing? It is fuel for future stories, and themes I know upset me, but could be faced within a story. So I think that’s powerful. I also think we can all look at our own finances, and try to do better–when possible.

As always, happy creative endeavors.

Designed by Impulse

Sometimes to reach a point in a story or drawing for me, there is no full knowing. No outline or sketch can fully render all that I think it will do. There will be changes. Ripples in the pond that make dramatic, lasting effects.

For example, I know I would use blue, but this particular shade has a lot of power behind it, and what was not what I had in mind. Now it has a place on the landscape of the canvas. Perhaps it’s a line in a story. That impulse yields fruit.

Sometimes impulse is emotion or an emotional response that hides in plain sight, and can override some of the most well-thought out plans. It is a moment, a movement, a thought which knows it must be felt and heard.

Other times sketches are structure, like the outline for a story. I didn’t know things could be resolved so quickly if I hadn’t thought them out, and struggled to resolve their issues. That window in the painting looks too high. Can it be lowered? Can anything be seen outside, and does it hold any form of attention?

Structure can empower us, make us focused, give us control over things we often let go astray. I can only speak for myself, but once things go awry, I find I have to put some order into the chaos.

Happy creative endeavors.



This is Not Chaos

OK, I’m getting older. This weekend is my birthday. I will be good and tired, and likely will want to sleep. I feel already tired, which means I either need some coffee, or suffer though trying to stay awake. It’s all good. I will make it through the day, since going back to bed is not the option I was hoping for.

So this week I need to do more. It seems like my writing mojo has upped and walked away, and its up to me too keep things moving. This little walk out means pushing myself to get stuff done regardless of inspiration or not. Also if what I come up with is a hot mess of BS, then that’s what it will have to be. The goal is to have ten pages by Sunday. I can get two done today if I focus.

I also need to show more love to the print journal, which gets me going with the writing, along with my blog. So this is me trying top get stuff done.

Happy creative endeavors.


Rain from the Heavens

Rain from the Heavens

Written by S. Raynard Haynes

Rain from the heavens washes
Down, down, down on me
Pitter patter of the shower
Hits all the buildings

The sky opens up,
The tall ones feel it first,
It’s one plop of a drop
When the small ones feel the cold

Rain, rain, rain
From the heavens
Down, down, down
Doesn’t hurt, doesn’t break the crown

Yet it feels so good to be inside
Where we can hide
Stay warm and dry
And keep the water from our eyes

The sky was a shade gray
No one cared,
We all played
Then the clouds went on a tear

First drop was wicked
The second was cruel
The third insisted on friends,
And it was off to our rooms.

The Wolf Has His Due

Before I start on anything, I did put the effort into getting my five sentences done for my novel. Went a little over the minimum, and that’s not a bad thing. It’s been tricky to get some kind of balance with my time and creative focus. Now that I’ve gotten back to a point of focus, I’m gonna try and keep that balance. Balance is good for me.

That said, the title is about how sometimes my “wolf” character (the antagonist), doesn’t get his due. That is he’s never close enough to the pig to taste the pork, and for a villain, if he can’t get near the source of his or her desires, what’s the point of pretending the hero is in jeopardy–there’s no real stakes? So what about this wolf? I gotta be a little sympathetic to him. Make sure he has the burning desire, and the skill and will to seize the object of desire, then they must do their darnedest to stay hungry for it, and the tenacity to try again for what they want. That doesn’t mean he gets the goal and has his way, but the hero should catch some kind of hell dealing with such a cunning foe.

It feels so weird to write and know that the antagonist really doesn’t have a chance. I suppose I have to come to terms with the fact that there should be a real possibility a hero could lose in the situation, and take him closer to losing that I feel “safe” with. Safe feels good. Safe calms my anxieties. Safe, however makes my story ring a bit hollow, and that’s not the kind of story I wish to write.

Happy creative endeavors.