The Hot Mess in My Head

I’m on a tangent at the moment. Creative projects, ideas, and solutions are part of the bread and butter of my passions. It does me good, in part to be creative. Been talking with a few people about the type of material I’ve been working on. I’m a huge lover of science fiction, fantasy, and the like. It catches then holds my imagination and attention. Of late they’ve all been falling by the wayside in regards to completing projects. I’ve also been thinking about culture-based stories that have nothing to do with action, science fiction, or fantasy. Mind you, I want to see more diversity in my genres from a viewer/reader standpoint. That’s a separate post on goals for my writings.

Where I feel some conflict today is with me reflecting back on my undergrad years as an artist. I was younger, a bit more spirited, and I stood out as one of the few people of color in an art program.  When I learned that multicultural theory sort of demanded that my focus be exclusively on culture related topics, I rebelled and I refused to be pigeonholed. I didn’t want to be the exclusive “black” artist in the crowd. I wanted to be an artist who happens to be black. I carried that same attitude into graduate school.

Like my art, I wanted to write about films because I love them, and I wanted to learn/share thoughts. I would not make all my papers and presentations exclusively about black films, filmmakers, or topics. I wanted to see and learn as much as possible and not through an exclusive lens. My professors were good. I liked that about them.

Back to the current moment, and I taste the conflict of my younger self, and my older self. My problem is I need to just do, and to hell with worrying. No worrying if it’s wrong, right, or perfect. I have ideas, stories, and concepts to work out. Still, the journey to get to places is amazing. It’s a good lesson about the changes and demands of life, creativity, and ownership of my artistic integrity and output. Only I can choose those. Not another person, not the demands of others. It must be me because I have to stand by my work, or denounce it. If I have to do either, it has to be on my terms, otherwise it’s not my creation. 

Happy creative endeavors.

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