Fear isn’t satisfied with taking only one of my passions. Fear got into my head, and tainted my worldview. I associated pleasure with my art, and pleasure became a bad thing, or that’s at least what I derived from what I perceived as a failure. I developed an anxiety to success. I had a fear I’d let people down, and then let myself down, and rejection is a killer feeling to fathom. I still scribble images from time to time, and most of my drawing tools are in storage.These days, I don’t draw, even for for fun. I forgot what playing with pastels on archival, colored paper is like.
Now I ask myself, why let go of the fear? The answer is simple. What do I have to lose at this point? I’m unemployed, without income, and trying to find a job is a job in itself. Having pieces of story and art that deserve attention, and abandoning them, feels like I’m didn’t give myself a fair shake at my passions. The only validation I need for my art is myself. I’d love to achieve something similar to what I did in the past, which is creating without setting limitations.
I write this post in hopes of changing my point of view. Let go of the fear, and work towards a happier life. I also hope is that it also inspires others to let go of fears.
Happy creative endeavors.