Human Resources Jokes

NOTE: Wrote this a while ago, but I thought it was worth posting here, since las post was jokes too.  Enjoy.

Because everyone should have at least five of them. I brought a few extra for everyone.  😉

  • Human Resources?  They should rename it Inhumane Resources as they suck the blood of widows and orphans to stay young and hateful.
  • Why I found more love and warmth from an iceberg than I did from an HR office.
  • Did you know the venom of a Black Widow Spider, Sea Snake, and Hydra combined isn’t stronger than the venom of an HR rep on haterade?
  • Did you know that the Batman’s greatest enemy was the Joker, but the Wayne Foundation HR office, which I hear was located inside Arkham Asylum?
  • Did you know the rising costs for employee insurance is to cover all the houses that fall on HR reps?  And those flying monkeys? Those are HR Generalists.
  • Why do HR reps give people such hell all the time?  Because they know where they’re going at the end of their life.
  • Speaking of afterlife all zombies in movies are 45% HR staff.  The rest are politicians.
  • If an HR staff wrote “mommy porn,” It’s be called Put What In Where?  There’s a form and  Write-Up For That.
  • Did you hear the one about the HR rep and and her dinner date.  She wrote him up for making her pay dutch, then wrote him up again for not being sensitive to her needs?
  • The village virgin was going to be sacrificed to the gods in the volcano.  She was told she could be saved by sleeping with this “Human Resources” creature.  She dove in the volcano head first.  She received perfect ten scores from the judges.
  • When Discovery Channel wants to scare viewers, they stop showing Shark Week, and do Human Resources week.  Grown men and women don’t sleep for days.  Of course they get written up at their jobs.
  • The dinosaurs didn’t die off. HR restructured them to Dinosaur Island.
  • I don’t wanna say Maleficent runs the HR office, but there are briar patches everywhere along with spindles where one can prick their fingers and die!!!
  • Once Wonder Woman Used her lasso of Truth on a pack of rabid HR staff.  The rope lost it’s power after than session.

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