Sometimes my writing’s are about me. My emotions, my cleverness, and my hopes of being seen as brilliant. As I learn more and more about creativity, I need and must understand and accomplish a separation of me, my ego, and my creative endeavors. Truth be told, I am not my writings. They are expressions from me, but in no way shape or form should they be intertwined so tightly that the writer I am cannot separate himself from it.
Writing doesn’t make one special or more clever than the next person. In fact, I would say I don’t know any more than the next person. There are exceptions to this rule as I’ve met plenty of jackasses in the past, but they don’t really count. If they were a wedding rule, I’d say wear white in spite their sad attempt at denoting your virtue.
I cannot in good faith keep writing and not push myself past where I am. In order to move forward I need to remove my ego and allow my stories to be themselves, accept them for what they are, and move onto the next story. Too many times I’ve been caught up in my fiction’s needs, when it was really me stroking my ego. It felt good, and I stroked my ego pretty fierce. It also produced anxiety over nothing.
I don’t need my ego stroked. I know who I am, and my skills. I always knew. It took me a lot of time to get mature when my ego cockblocked my true goals. It took me a moment to get to a zen enough place to contemplate my needs and desires. It made me wonder how to improve myself as a person and as an artist. We all strive for better lives and I pray I keep moving forward in the right direction. I always wish people happiness in their creative endeavors. My wish, as always is sincere. Hopefully we’re all contemplating how to be better at the things we wish to explore and develop. I’m always praying for guidance and wisdom. I wish the same for you all.
When I think of taking my ego out of the story, it scares me. Allowing the story to breathe and develop without placing all my dreams, hopes, ego, and self worth in a production means new territory. I’m also leading to not put off things I should have done sooner. This means keeping up with writing and developing/producing on a frequent basis. Not looking for perfection, but productivity. My hope is to move through moments when I don’t feel empowered to write, or empowered to grow. I’m going to be a better writer not to impress, but because I love writing.