Separation of Church and State

Sometimes my writing’s are about me. My emotions, my cleverness, and my hopes of being seen as brilliant. As I learn more and more about creativity, I need and must understand and accomplish a separation of me, my ego, and my creative endeavors. Truth be told, I am not my writings. They are expressions from me, but in no way shape or form should they be intertwined so tightly that the writer I am cannot separate himself from it.

Writing doesn’t make one special or more clever than the next person. In fact, I would say I don’t know any more than the next person. There are exceptions to this rule as I’ve met plenty of jackasses in the past, but they don’t really count. If they were a wedding rule, I’d say wear white in spite their sad attempt at denoting your virtue.

I cannot in good faith keep writing and not push myself past where I am. In order to move forward I need to remove my ego and allow my stories to be themselves, accept them for what they are, and move onto the next story. Too many times I’ve been caught up in my fiction’s needs, when it was really me stroking my ego. It felt good, and I stroked my ego pretty fierce. It also produced anxiety over nothing.

I don’t need my ego stroked. I know who I am, and my skills. I always knew. It took me a lot of time to get mature when my ego cockblocked my true goals. It took me a moment to get to a zen enough place to contemplate my needs and desires. It made me wonder how to improve myself as a person and as an artist. We all strive for better lives and I pray I keep moving forward in the right direction. I always wish people happiness in their creative endeavors. My wish, as always is sincere. Hopefully we’re all contemplating how to be better at the things we wish to explore and develop. I’m always praying for guidance and wisdom. I wish the same for you all.

When I think of taking my ego out of the story, it scares me. Allowing the story to breathe and develop without placing all my dreams, hopes, ego, and self worth in a production means new territory. I’m also leading to not put off things I should have done sooner. This means keeping up with writing and developing/producing on a frequent basis. Not looking for perfection, but productivity. My hope is to move through moments when I don’t feel empowered to write, or empowered to grow. I’m going to be a better writer not to impress, but because I love writing.

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Bold, Sexy, Confident

As I type this I realize my brain is in sleep mode – creative-wise. I really feel the emptiness of my thoughts. It’s pretty much a scatter brained moment with me unable to focus. That’s go to change. Since blogging stimulates me, and I thought about putting something down, I can safely say I’m not at 100% scatterbrained. I just need to focus. Focus.

Been doing some reading, and perhaps that’s what my mind needs. Another chapter of something from my collection. I need to make that happen. Also it shall calm me. I feel like this is more than possible.

Today I was up early for errands, like a haircut. I need my professional look on and popping. Haircuts tend to make me feel good, sexy, and confident. Too bad I forgot all this when I went all blank in the creative department. So what does a bold, sexy man do with his time? He gets his house in order. It’s not every day that I get a haircut. Even if its five seconds, I’m a make the best of a creative exploration.

Happy creative endeavors, all.

Smooth Sunday

Trying to get myself together, which only makes sense cause I woke up early.  Also trying not to repeat what I wrote on my personal blog.  Needless to say I ordered beef and broccoli and ate some for brunch. It’s the second time this week I had it, and I’m not unhappy about that decision.

Need to write more, and I always say that. Took to pen and paper to write out a lot of things, so I’m not 100% slacking off. I simply need to do more of it.  Also grabbed some of my older typed notes to check out what I was working on.  That material seems “fresh” now, so I better get on top of that too.  I’ve worked more on cinema-based essays and that does require me to re-watch the films.

Speaking of re-watching, my movie watching went to minimal last week, and I feel that’s a shame. I need to get back on top of that too.  Even if it’s just a watching parts of a film I have to spread out over a few days. Part of the joys of life is film watching.

On the guilty side I did play some video games, which helped relax me a bit.  I needed that. I’d play now, but I’m getting my tea and movie on.

Last Night

Last night I was dealing with some drama, and no this drama did not ruin my night. In true fashion I sat down and wrote out some jokes about the drama.  Suddenly I was on a rip, and it was funny as hell to laugh at something with such damning energy focused on me. This made me think, why not write more jokes on stuff that really deserves mocking, and less of any other emotion devotion.  So hopefully, by the end of the week, I should have a gang of jokes to laugh at, and possibly used in my writings. I live for humor and making more smiles and less frowns. So suck it, frowns!!!

Been rather lazy this morning.  Not on top of my game.  hadn’t had a sigle bottle of water, and that has got to change.  At least I took my allergy meds, and will need some water when I take my vitamins. I did get my clothes ready for work, so at least I don’t have to worry about that. Didn’t write much today, except for this blog post, but I have a feeling more jokes are on the way. I simply want to motivate and maximise my humor and keep the ideas flowing. I don’t know if they are all funny, BUT it’s keeping me typing, and I smile a lot more.

Happy creative endeavors.

 

Sundays

Sunday has this mixed feeling of urgency and complacent energy. I’m more than not liking this. Well, this means doing some work in regards to getting myself together. I need to get some work done. I need to drink some more water as congestion has turned to heck on me.  That can’t happen as it makes the day go from good, to sour. I’m also trying to cut out some of the sugar I eat in my tea, so I’ve been halving my doses and drinking multiple bottles of water. I can’t stay out of the bathroom, but I’d rather go multiple times if it means being a little more healthier than normal.

Did a lot of gaming, and watching one mediocre horror film. Half tempted to watch another film, but I’m kinda hooked on Law & Order at the moment. I need to relax, clear my mind, and do something creative or at least productive.

A Stab at the Dark, New Paths, 2013 Takes Wings and Flies

As I’ve said before and truly believe, 2013 is the start of positive things happening for many of us who choose to receive them. As I complete my first week of my new job, I’m needing to catch up to my writings, and my blog. Also I have this burning desire to obtain my master’s degree. This means finding a new program, and somewhat starting over. As of this point Cinema Studies is completely out of the picture unless I move to a state/city with the same program. Let me say this is not a bad reflection on my professors at all. They are excellent professors and taught me a lot about films and how to read them. I will not be going back to SCAD. I also worked there, and the most of the time, work was excellent, as I love meeting new people, and students.

This brings me to the present, and as I always ask myself, “what am I writing.”  One of the projects I posted about was about me working on a fable, and it turned a bit dark, scary, and unpredictable. Needless to say it’s scaring me. I’m dread what will happen next to the characters. Initially I didn’t have this sensation, but I added a new element of danger, it sincerely made me feel uneasy.  Now I have to complete this story, because if I don’t I’ll feel like I’ve given up  on a true challenge that knocked at my door. Beside, I think this story deserves it’s own evolution/growth. I want people to read it and feel some of the things I feel, and share their reflections on the story. As a writer I’m guessing stories can’t always be simple and easy.  In a way it’s like life, and I don’t know the outcome, but the experiences are amazing. I believe we learn from our good and bad experiences, so nothing is truly wasted unless we choose to waste the efforts.

As always, happy creative endeavors.

P.S. I’m playing Final Fantasy XIII when not writing or working. It’s a great way to distract myself. I can’t help but look at the narration and film form aspects of the cut scenes.  All the characters have the best hair, BTW. I’ll have to write this up formally, of course.