Today is one of those days when I don’t feel like writing. I’m reeling from allergies and the meds, and I turned my TV on distracted by animated programs, my weakness. At this moment having that “meh” feeling dominates my day. I know I need to eat breakfast, and I need to start writing. I did try to edit one of the longer blog posts I’m hoping to post soon. Read parts out loud to see if it played well in my mind and reality. it needs more TLC on my part. I had some ideas in the morning and should have simply recorded my voice as opposed to booting up the laptop and writing things down. Tried editing one of the posts and the meh-ness took over. I can’t write like this.
I decided after watching a couple of shows I can gets to writing. I put on a playlist and stated with this post. For the past few days I’ve been reading and critiquing works for friends. Part of completion is typing my notes which is taking longer than expected. I hope to do a page more of notes for them today so I can say that I’m working towards offering feedback properly.
As for my own stories and ideas I merely jotted only a minimal amount of notes down. Even a few notes on the page is worth more than ideas trapped in my head. let’s see, now that I got the music going and soon to feed myself if I will get stuff done like I need to get it, and scratch a few items off the list. For the record , listening to music imprved my mood. Suck it, meh! Just suck it.
Yesterday, Murphy’s Law struck as it always does, without warning. First my ISP simply stopped working, and it took a while before it got back on track. Second, I wanted to take a nap. A light one. Two hours later I woke disoriented and thrown off my game. How embarrassing. Today I’m catching up on some reading/editing I should have done a good while ago, but I need to get this done. Sometimes I wish I could stick more to deadlines, or everything was for a grade. I’m sure I’d be done a lot sooner. Could never shake class habits. Off to read. Be blessed all. Will post more when I’m done.
This is a real short post, as I have a lot to do today. I’d feel like I cheated myself if I didn’t create a blog post. First I’m writing three longer blog posts that require a bit more time and effort. Second I’m doing more editing and revising for myself and others. This I want to get done this week and I don’t want to stop and think about it, but rather get it done. Eventually the script I didn’t get to work on I’ll get to address. I am happy to get this kind of progress going so I know I’m moving in the right direction, thank God.
I pray this kind of energy stays and I get back to the script and short stories I’ve been working on. I should add in joking I came up with another concept that I feel obliged to explore, but that’s down this list. Made sure to jot down notes for this and will explore this concept a little more. Sometimes sitting down with pen and paper puts magic in the day. I’m overdue for some hot tea today. A couple more passages of writing before I can have breakfast. Yeah, I’m on a roll, and the roll is a good ride.
Have you ever invested in something and come to the realization that you aren’t getting a thing out of this situation? It could be your money, time, effort, love, attention that you give. The end result of this fruitless adventure is you have this underwhelming “WTF am I doing here” moment. Feeling cheated only starts the crawl of the agony of defeat. Now is the time where you’ve broken away from whatever trance or spell you were under and contemplate how the hell do you get out of this for sure.
This is what I know. In order for me to progress I need to keep it moving. I need to find ways to fill my time with joy and challenging projects that don’t leave me thinking, “why am I here” in the sense that I don’t feel things can get better or what I’m contributing doesn’t lead to a payoff. I need to make sure I’m doing the right thing by myself and holding myself to higher standards. What I’m saying is the person who needs to make changes is me, not anyone else, me. These changes are all positive and life reaffirming. It means I don’t have to carry a chip on my shoulder or walk away bitter or angry. It means I let it go and see what good I can do with my time on Earth.
For those with loved ones, love them. Be very happy to have good people in your life. They are a positive force and inspiration for your well-being. If you have no one, start with yourself. No one is going to love you, if you can’t love yourself. In the process of keeping it moving, if you feel disrespected or like you’ve got a lot to say, remember this, pick and choose your battles wisely. You don’t have to give into emotions, and if you know that you’re not going to get quality answers from your quality woes, it may not be worth investing more time into the problem. That’s not to say you can’t stand your ground, or defend yourself as we all should. It only means some things are worth fighting for, while others can fade away. Make sure its a goal you want to achieve and need to bring a better outlook to your life.
Remember as many obstacles that are laid out for us to stumble over and fall, we can always dust ourselves off and try again. Think of it as a test and how your spirit can and will not be diminished by those who tried to waste your time. Many blessings and good will towards your goals.
I need to change gears for the moment and switch to another short story I want to explore. Came up with a new idea last night and I kept telling myself to write it down, which I knew I was going to work on, among all the other things I’m supposed to be revising. Quite frankly I have a lot on my plate I need to get down to business on that i haven’t. Need to make a list and prioritize of face getting little to none done today. On a good note, I did get my blog posts in, so i feel relived. I did put a lot of extra oomph in my personal blog, and CINEs get’s two posts. So what I need to do after I post is chill for a moment, make that list, and gets to writing.
It seemed like my hourly chime goes off every s20 minutes sometimes. It was just 12:00 PM and I was writing away. I’ve been busy contemplating racism and discrimination in society after a series of gut-wrenching stories that came into play. I wrote about it on my personal blog, so I don’t want to double up the same material.
This writing and information does not to exclude my family or my own encounters with racism/discrimination. Let me tell you, sometimes I wonder if I should write more non-fiction based on these experiences. Part of me doesn’t want that to be the only thing readers hear about me, and the other point lets me know that sometimes I need to take a risk and tell a few stories to give people a picture of how some things go down.
I will say racism and race does make for compelling themes, and I need to contemplate them more.
It’s not a Zen moment for me, but rather for the past few days I haven’t been sleeping well. my main goal is to have sleep, cause when i don’t get any I can’t function well. Last night was no exception to me waking up early then trying to fall back asleep. It’s good to have my rest. I can’t write if my head’s not in the game, and I need this to work as oppose to anything else going on. Interestingly I did some reading earlier yesterday. perhaps my mind needed that break between writing (creating) and reading other material (relaxing). Perhaps my mind and body are telling me that I need to unwind.
I do have a goal to revise at least a half page of my outline. I did let it cool off for two days as it is. I need to make sure I can give and get something done, even if its on a smaller scale. A piece at a time is not bad, despite the fact that once I work on it, I will likely want the outline completed. That’s the way I am. I feel like since I wrote it out, the only way to experience it is to look at it as a whole. Of course when my sleep cycle is a mess, I don’t know how I’m going to be able to get things done.