Being rational sucks a lot when it comes to creative writing. There are simply days where the structured aspects of creativity does its best to kill what you’ve got going. It’s the flattening of your souffle. The fart in the room that lasts forever. The meal that hates to be digested and wants you to know its not breaking down without a damn good fight. The process is relentless, antagonizing, frustrating, yet we press on.
It’s more than difficult to turn the mirror and spotlight onto yourself. It’s really like looking at yourself naked on stage and sharing the experience with a live audience. Do you accept all of your faults? Is there room for improvement? Could members of the audience ask questions or give comments? Would you be open to rejection, ridicule, or plain ole nastiness? How does one bounce back from this?
One day we must be in the spotlight and not give a damn for all the other voices, gasps and gazes. Are we ready to fail? Like Prince Zuko (from the animated series, not the movie-haven’t seen it yet) we’re gonna lose a lot. We will be handed upsets after upsets. There will be a dozen or so Azula-like people who make talent look effortless. We will need support. This will not be a pretty event. We will however, have what we truly want, which is success, but on the terms that we understand it is our choices that we make that we are accountable for.
"Kill the angel in the room" a device about destroying our diligent, internal censor and naysayer. The angel appears, and tries to shut us down. The voice that tells us we are WRONG ALL THE TIME IN ALL CAPS. It’s quite the pain and bitter chore to deal with, but must be addressed. If you don’t kill the angel, you will be subject to its whims and wants, which may kill your story/creativity. In other words, you’ve given into your fears.
I’m throwing the baby out with the bathwater. The angel’s gotta go, and so does the writer I used to be. Quite frankly I’m tired of wishing and wanting. I need to see some action. Does this mean writing’s like dating. You date a looser, dump them, move on. Will one be your princess? I’ve never been that much of a romantic. Too sentimental for me, but that made me smile.
Sometimes I think if I let go of all the issues and free my mind of all that constrains me, I will be truly free to write as I please. Tired of being a creative soul with no outlet.
Looking at why I like to write, and what I want to write about. Everyone has a theme, or subjects they love, yet I’ve often ignored what’s in front of me This means looking more at my writing and coming up with a more dedicated focus to my writing.
I feel compelled to search for the meaning behind what I do. "I like writing" doesn’t cut it anymore. I need to evolve, and challenge myself.
I so need to update CINEs. I will begin with getting a new post this weekend. Was going to go see The Last Airbender, however, from those who saw it, they strongly suggested waiting for HBO. It’s not worth spending money on. Without seeing it, I’ve been told the acting and the story are horrible. I’m gonna confer with a couple more people before I wipe The Last Airbender off my list.
Worked on my thesis. Got my works cited page initiated. These things are never completed. I so need to get some terms and ideas committed or else I’m screwing myself out of some free time to write it. Besides it’ll be fun. Getting started is the hardest part.