No one wins with the angel in the room.  You can’t kill him.  He comes right back.  He’s really not there to critique.  He’s there to remind me that I am a writer and that I will hear these things.  He’s challenge me to move beyond his point of view.  At one point I’m sure he’s waiting for me to say “shut up, leave, or get on board.”

No one should have to apologize for their art.  Works of art are not going to universally appeal to everyone.  People are going to hate creative endeavors before they have a chance to see it for themselves.  Why, cause their angel is with them and as loud as can be  Our inner id has far more influence than we give it credit for.  We are complex beings, and our methods of communication and expression allow us to share with the world many fantastic points of view.  No angel can dictate that.

Needless to say I need to get some posts back up for this page as well.  Will start this week with something, anything.  I’d love to keep a positive flow here.

When I write papers on films I’m making arguments based on theory(ies) and what’s in the film. For example I once argued that a couple films addressed what it means to be human. This is a topic that has come up in several times within my papers. On my blog the doppelganger has appeared as one of my main interests. I note these because when writing out favorite topics and themes emerge. This really helps me too understand who I am as a writer. Its certainly worth the effort of discovery. Sometimes we have to listen to ourselves and actively access our skills.

Another familiar topic of mine is the theory of psychoanalysis. I’ve read information based on Freud, Lacan, and Jung. All three are great, and can be taken separately. Psychoanalysis theory also informs feminist film theory, gender studies, and queer theory. I’m learning more and more to appreciate the narrative, and the narrative structure, which is also part of film form. Film form is how we address the films we watch and discuss. I hope to look at other theories more and more to used them better. For example, I like elements of Structuralism, post-modernism, should read more on deconstructionism, and reception theory. I need to know more on multiculturalism as well.

Now that I’m older and wiser, I need to peel back my own layers and accept a few things. Being a person of color does not limit me. Nor does it limit my expectations of the world. In studying films I’ve seen some pretty racist imagery and representation. Yes, I was offended at times, but I’m also empowered because I know that’s not me on the screen. In many cases, it was poor representation then and now. In many cases the imagery NEEDS to be discussed and contextualized. Addressing the image of the ignorant, buffoonery, and plain out racist image is more than worthy of discussion, it has been lacking, in my opinion. Can I write about it? Yes, I can with every bit of integrity as I give all my research papers. Will it be the ONLY topic of discussion you see from me? Absolutely not. It was a mistake on my part to assume this is all I could bring to the table. Just know there is a lot more for all us us to bring to the table.

Any of you who have ever read my blog posts know I love a variety of topics and the reoccurring topics include psychoanalysis and doppelgangers. It is clear that I never allowed people to limit me. I limited myself. Also it pays to listen, digest, and make your own determinations when it comes to self and world representation. I have yet to meet a Cinema Studies major who is exclusively “one way” in my program. My professors should be proud.